BIG changes

so holy crap things are about to change. another term of school has started and i'm taking on a full load. i have four classes online and that blows, but i am determined to finish this and my bachelors before i am 30. alan leaves sunday for the police academy for 4 months. that's right. he will be gone the last month of my pregnancy and the first 3 months of ava's life. he does get to come home most weekends, but it will still suck. i'm getting a taste of what single parenthood would be like, and i already hate it. no thanks. most days men are useless, but when you need em'-you need em'. ava will be here is 5-6 weeks... depending on if my date gets moved up. i'm not holding my breathe for that. it would be lovely if alan could be here for the delivery, but i have about given up on that. he didn't see bailey born, so i guess it's no big thing. i'm sad that bailey isn't allowed at the hospital because of the whole swine flu bullshit. i will be without her for 3 days and it's going to be hard. i am however super grateful to have family around me this time for help. already, the laundry they have done, painting, moving furniture, donating baby things... it would be impossible to do any of this without them. i also have to remind myself that this is alan's dream and i'm so thrilled for him and for us. as much as the present situation seems to suck, it really doesn't. life is moving forward and things are changing. before i know it, it will be spring, ava will be here, i will turn 26, another term of school will be over, and alan will be out of the academy and onto patrolling the mean streets of park hills.

those who have been around me as of late, let me apologize for my mood. i would like to think that it is the pregnancy hormones causing me to not give a crap about most things. who knows. i hope i'm not this cranky all the time. it is entirely possible though. ha. i just want to sleep and be left alone most of the time. but when i want company and something to do, i want it NOW. i'm difficult. i suppose admitting it is the first step.